coming home to yourself

I grew up in a small, quiet town in Northern California.

I spent my early years dreaming ~ I was a quiet, soulful girl & spent a lot of time wishing and wondering and imagining how my life would go.

It took me years to figure out not only how to dream, but how to get there, and then once I achieved what I wanted, I realized ~ it was how I wanted to FEEL that really mattered.

I had reached all of my goals and felt completely disillusioned. Empty. Tired. Small.

Over lunch in a little cafe, tucked away in my neighborhood, discussing ambitions, goals, and what it really felt like to go chase your dreams, my younger brother told me: “Mary, it is never going to be what you imagined. what you imagined is in your head. it is always going to feel different than what you imagine.”

That idea stopped me.

Perhaps what I truly wanted was to feel: free, joyful, connected, deeply safe and whole. The goals, experiences, the career and external markers I had spent my life striving for were never the end in themselves.

The integral part of coming home to myself was realizing that God created me with a voice, talents, unique gifts — and that believing in Him meant believing in the potential He placed in me. I cannot believe in His power & live a halfhearted, fearful life. It is in the believing that I finally began to come home to myself: choosing presence while still pushing towards the next level of my potential.

I have come to understand this as what Ed Mylett calls “blissfully dissatisfied.” Remaining at home in the present, while always reaching for your fullest potential. Not choosing between contentment & ambition but realizing that fulfillment is presence while pursuing potential.

so here I am, writing this first blog post in hopes that my words & future research offer someone else clarity, connection, or the quiet realization of their own inner voice.